Parenting a Pre-Teen and Its Relationship to A Hallmark Christmas Movie

Last Friday we attended Christmas Con, a "nationally holiday themed convention", but let's be honest, the convention is centered around made for TV Christmas movies. If you didn't already know, I'm an enormous fan of Hallmark Christmas movies. I love Christmas in July where Hallmark re-runs classics and introduces new ones for the current years lineup. And Countdown to Christmas takes place the week of Halloween and I am always ready with my Hallmark Movie Checklist app. My FNDLY app is full of all of my favorites so that I can watch them all year long. Side note, my writing partner and I have penned two scripts that we hope to see on the small screen in the near future. Being addicted to Christmas movies is truly a thing. 

But I'm here to talk about my current summer. Did you know that my son turned 12 in April? He did. And man, 12! It's everything you've heard about but didn't want to believe would happen to you. Snarky attitudes. Lack of engagement. Ultimately wanting zero of the fun that might be had if we did something entertaining this summer. Over the past week, he's been on summer break for all of two, I've suggested indoor mini golf and lunch at Craft Putt, a local joint in Overland Park, to which I got a, "If you want to." Well, I did, but not now. I threw out heading to the mall and checking out the new arcade that just opened this spring, King Arcade, to which I got, "I don't like being on a time crunch." The arcade opened at 1:00 and he didn't have a drum lesson until 3:30. Good thing we had two hours of play time go down the fun drain. When I was 12, I would have loved an indoor mini golf place that served lunch! And I lived for the arcade. It was located next to the Orange Julius and was where all the cool boys hung out. Instead, he watched YouTube while we had lunch and then I forced him to read his book for 30 minutes. What a rousing good time we had! And when it came to attending Christmas Con, I got a hem-haw reaction all week. "I want to go, but I don't want to go." "What is Christmas Con and is it going to be any fun?" I told him what my ex-boyfriend in high school told me when I asked if we were still going to prom together. The exes response was, "I thought about it, but I decided I would rather have fun." Way harsh, right? But that's how I felt about taking McKinley. I would rather have fun alone than listen to him complain all day about boredom! He went...

So what is the relationship to parenting and Hallmark Christmas movie? There was a movie released in 2021 called "Open by Christmas" and it starred Alison Sweeney. It's about a woman who finds a Christmas card that dates back to high school that she stuffed in a text book and never opened. She and her best friend go on a search to find the person who penned the note inside the card. But that's not the storyline that resonates with me. It was that of her best friend who's dealing with a teenage son that doesn't want to do any of the annual Christmas traditions they have done for the past 15 years. I dealt with that this past Christmas, but thought that it might be a one off. Fast forward to week two of summer break and the storyline still applies. You see, we have had traditions over the past 11 years where we did nothing but hang out together. Went to the zoo, the farmstead, Crown Center for a day of fun at the aquarium and their annual free exhibit. But this summer, it's all YouTube with the dreaded ear buds. The Xbox and PlayStation in the basement. Listening to his cultivated Spotify playlist, that I can totally get behind, but it's taken the place of family movie night. And if I'm being honest, it all completely sucks!

I'm finding that I'm swimming alone in a pool of nostalgia, but trying to grasp at cool straws to create new memories with things that I think will interest him. Activities that might be dope to a 12 year old. Does this generation even say dope? I know Bruh is sweeping the nation and they didn't even invent that term! I'm trying to give him space, while attempting to involve myself in things that I know I need to be apart of, so I don't use slang like "dope" or "awesomesauce". Is there a book to help with this transition? I didn't think so. It's an age old problem that parents have dealt with for centuries. Pre-Teen issues and all that applies. Hello? Can anyone hear me and relate?

But for some reason, Friday was different. Friday came with a morning of snuggles on the couch while watching our mutual favorite YouTuber. We went estate saling, sang songs off the radio with the windows rolled down, and ate lunch in the car of the parking lot of the convention center while waiting for it to get closer to time to head inside. We talked about random things. Nothing too heavy. Nothing too silly. We laughed because something was funny and it was joyful to have the time together. And when it came time to head into Christmas Con, things were good. And Christmas Con was wonderful. If you followed along over the weekend on the 'gram, you know the story. If you didn't, here's a brief overview. It started off slow. It wasn't exactly what we thought it would be. But we found out later that you didn't have to wait in line to have selfies with the Hallmark stars, you could actually just say hi. And that's exactly what we did. And it was dreamy. Our favorites interacted with us as if we truly mattered. Especially Jonathan Bennett. He spent uninterrupted time with McKinley, taking full interest in all the things they discussed, signed his stuffed gingerbread man, and took a selfie. McKinley was elated! I was overjoyed. The interaction was heartwarming and it meant so much to me that he would take the time. It's a moment that neither one of us will forget.

After we left Christmas Con, we chatted on the way home about actors and what it's like to be one. When we got home, he immediately started talking to his dad about everything that took place and the actors that we had a chance to talk to. He told him all about the conversation with Jonathon Bennett, and how when we finally got to chat with Ashley Williams, she made a point to thank us for waiting patiently and asked us what our favorite movies were. Of course McKinley said The Wedding Veil series, to which Ashley indicated she had never seen them, and McKinley told her all about them and why there were his favorites. Joel asked if there was anything taking place later and I told him about a tree lighting ceremony they had planned. Joel said I should go back. I told him that was okay, but he insisted, and McKinley decided he wanted to go back as well. So, we loaded back up and headed back for the lighting. We made it just in time for the fun event and then we decided to stand in line for one more actor, Autumn Reeser. Autumn co-stars in The Wedding Veil series and McKinley was beginning to get the hang of this chatting with Hallmark stars thing. As soon as we stepped up to her table, and after introducing ourselves, Autumn asked McKinley if he was going to be an actor. His eyes lit up and a huge smile crossed his face. He said yes, it was something he had thought about, and she told him she could feel his vibe after just one meeting. We talked with her for a bit, said our goodbyes, and decided to call it day on Christmas Con. He talked about Autumn Reeser all the way home, asked to have a couch bed night, and said we should watch her wedding veil movie. All of which we did. More snuggles ensued. It was the perfect ending to a perfect day. 

Like in "Open by Christmas" it isn't that McKinley doesn't want to spend time with me. I just need to find common interests, outside of YouTube and gaming, that can bond us. Like our Hallmark characters mentioned earlier, it turned out that their mother/son relationship wasn't in jeopardy, it just needed revising. They started new holiday traditions. She listened as he talked about his new interests without showing boredom. And even though it appeared that he was too busy to spend time with her, he was actually working with his step-father to decorate their newly purchased house for Christmas as a surprise to his mother. Their bond wasn't broken. And neither is mine and McKinley's. It's just evolving. 

Since Friday, I'm not going to lie, there are still trying pre-teen moments. Struggles on clothing and why he can't wear the hood to his hoodie in public. Because you can't! Pre-teens and personal hygiene. Why is this a fight? But yes, you need to brush your teeth twice a day, wear deodorant, and shower daily! Bonus if you let me spruce the hair before heading out. Those curls are wild and need restraining. But there are still hugs, kisses on the cheek, and random hand holding and I treasure it all. I'm preparing for the day when at least some of it will come to an end. It makes me teary eyed to think of. Losing the little boy but watching him turn into a man. It's what it's all about right? Raising them to independence? Watching them walk their own path in life? Hoping that you gave them tools needed to do so? And I'm pretty sure one of those tools is deodorant. Again, needed daily!

Who out there is currently raising a pre-teen boy? Are you finding any similarities to those listed above? Are you a fan of Hallmark Christmas movies and saw "Open by Christmas"? If you haven't seen it, make sure to tune in during Christmas in July as Hallmark re-airs these classics. It's definitely one to watch on repeat! I mean, they wrap it all up in a pretty little Christmas bow! And if you have any tips or tricks for a weepy pre-teen mom, send them my way!

XO,

Andrea

P.S. Make sure to tune into Hallmark Channel either during Christmas in July or in October for Countdown to Christmas. You might see two very familiar faces. Fingers crossed! 

Be Free

On this rainy Monday morning, we are getting back in the swing of things after being on Spring Break last week ! I love having the time off from the daily grind, but it's so hard to get back in the groove. Thank goodness for coffee and a full DVR! However, I may not get anything truly done.

We spent last week doing all the things we could possibly do in a week! We kicked off the break with heading to Union Station, McKinley's favorite place on earth, taking advantage of all of the fun things to do. And it was all about trains! We started with the train tour at Science City where McKinley wanted to show me the train museum he finally discovered. He is able to play on a BNSF locomotive and use the controls inside the engine. Heaven for him! There are other fun train cars to explore and we did just that. We then headed to the beloved model train exhibit, a fun activity that doesn't cost you a thing! A free to the public exhibit that allows you to explore towns of the past while watching train after train ride the rails! 

We spent some time in Crown Center as well. McKinley had a blast in Funville, a free to the public exhibit that allows kids to explore the world of different occupations. So much to do, see, and play with inside this room of wonder. He loved it so much we went twice! Speaking of free, we also headed over to Kaleidoscope where McKinley was the most creative he's ever been during a visit. Kaleidoscope is provided by Hallmark and it allows children to be creative and use their imagination when constructing things out of scraps of paper, tape, markers, stickers, and more. McKinley made a kite out of tissue paper, curling ribbon, tape, and St. Patrick's Day stickers. He also made a truck out of card stock circles and scrapes of green paper. It was so much fun to watch him create! 

While we were out and about, taking advantage of the free things the city offers, I was constantly on guard. You know, holding McKinley's hand 90% of the time. Telling him not to run ahead too far. Asking him to stay within ear shot when we're using the restroom that's not a family one. Telling him to look both ways when crossing the street. Stay where he is when we're in a parking lot until I can get all my stuff out of the car. There is never a moment for him to just be free! With tons of people all around, I'm not about to let him out of sight or out of my reach. The unfortunate truth is that society has caused me to be a little more on edge, a little less carefree, and a lot more protective. Some might call it overprotective or being a "helicopter mom". I just called it being a mom. 

When we headed to the river that past week, free takes on a whole different meaning. As my dad mentioned, McKinley is free to do whatever he wants. He doesn't have to hold anyone's hand, unless he simply wants to. He doesn't have to ask if he can run ahead and be out of reach. He can come and go out the back door as often as he wants, shutting it with a bang behind him. He can roam the backyard, play in the truck bed, dig for whatever he can find, run up and down the river bank, however I will shout "don't get too close to the water's edge" from time to time. I don't want him falling in fully clothed in March. Summer will be a different story. 

I would love to allow him more space to be free. I told my mom this weekend that I wish we had a little more land to allow for badminton games, batting practice, Frisbee throwing, and exploring. Instead, we have enough yard for gardening where he can dig in the dirt and search for worms and other insects. A spot for his sandbox where he creates amazing construction sites and Monster Jam arenas. He has a swing set that serves as a fort, drive-thru restaurant, and picnic area. He can mow the lawn, drive his tractor, play with bubbles, have a picnic, jump in his bouncy house and swim in his bouncy swimming house. So he has free rein of the backyard, it's just not as vast as the one the river house provides. 

For now, at almost age seven, McKinley's free to play whatever comes to his creative mind. Whether it's a Matchbox cars junk yard, being the "cooking guy" in his kitchen and serving up some of the best wooden food around, playing trains, using sidewalk chalk in the driveway to make elaborate cities or solar systems, or just sit with a pad of blank paper and draw until his hearts content. That's the thing about being free. You're are free to be whatever you want to be or do whatever you want to do. Just be free!

XO,

Andrea

At Six Years Old

Has anyone experienced a six year old recently? If you haven't, I'm hear to talk about it. We are currently dealing with age six and its the hardest age to date! It's seriously no joke. I want to start off with the positives. He is hilarious! The things he says keeps us in stitches, when we aren't crying from frustration. Listening to him try and tell Knock Knock jokes is painful at times, but when he does get a good one, they're pretty funny. His latest, "Interrupting Car", is a good one! His so sweet. He still snuggles and hugs and kisses us goodbye and goodnight. When I hear is sweet little voice on the phone, it melts my heart. And his two missing front teeth smile is the cutest thing I've seen in ages. He truly is my heart.

And then he flips to the dark side. He should go as either Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde or Darth Vadar for Halloween. The mood swings are ridiculous! He can wake up crabby, and then by time I drop him off at school, he seems fine. Case in point. He woke up today, a rough one after bad dreams disturbed his sleep, and spent a groggy morning on the couch waiting on his breakfast. I allow him time to play in the mornings, while eating his breakfast, to help ease him into the school day. His biggest complaint these days is that he doesn't get enough time to play, so I'm flexible. And negotiable. As long as he eats, he can play. No harm, no foul. Today, he just wanted to sit on the couch and watch Little Einsteins. Again, no problem. He eats breakfast, gets a little classical music education, and all is right in the world. 

As we headed to school this morning, I broached the topic of writing a book together. I provided the subject matter, one he's passionate about, talked up the fact that he could write the story (me being his co-writer when the words got too hard to spell), and then he could also illustrate it. It would be a project for the two of us, and once it was complete, he could share it with Mrs. Warren, he current first grade teacher. He asked if we could make two copies and I said of course. He seemed excited. Or as excited as a six year old can be. Then I realized I missed our turn. I've been playing with new routes to school to allow for a more mainstreamed drop off and pick up situation, and when I announced it, he began to cry. He demanded that I turn around because he wanted to go the new way and was so distraught that I didn't. It's unnerving and I honestly don't know how to handle it.

The topic of school is another thing! He hates school and reminds us of that everyday. As I mentioned above, he complains all the time that there's no play time anymore. All they do is spend time learning. Recess, lunch, PE, and music seem to be the only things he looks forward to, and PE and music are only available every other day! I feel sorry for art and library. Hell, I feel sorry for me! I know that he's going through a lot of changes physically and emotionally. He's growing, he's adjusting to new routines and concepts, he's becoming aware of the fact that he can make his own decisions from time to time, and lashes out when our suggestions don't jive with his. He's argumentative, dramatic, emotional, and very stubborn. And based on this information I discovered today from Center for Parenting Education, he's apparently a very normal six year old.

At six years old for parents, it sucks! I want to cry more than I laugh. And sometimes I simply laugh through the tears. I constantly feel like I'm failing as a mother. I want to hug and kiss him death and then I want to send him to his room and not have him within my sight. I want to motivate him to want to learn, but then we sit down to work on after school activities, and I think "does he really need to learn how to read?" I'm trying to create a home of warmth, love, joy, and positivity, but some days I feel like my house is a haven of doom and gloom as my son walks around and growls like a bear or hisses like a cat when I ask him to do the simplest of tasks. "Please put your shoes where you found them." Growl. "Let's sit down and read this book together." Hiss. "Would you like to have a snack?" "Finnnnnnnnne, but I wasn't really expecting one." You can see where I find joy at being home. And that I just want to seek refuge in a vat of chocolate or in a glass of champagne after he's gone to bed. It's taking its toll and my heart is heavy.

If you read through the traits of a typical six year old, you will see that at 6 1/2 there are some changes to look forward to. Some of them being more warm and loving, more appreciative, loves mama again. That's a big one right now. Not loving his mama and it's breaking me. He appears to hate me. He told Joel just about a week ago that their outing together just got more fun because Mama wasn't going. Well, they ended up not going anywhere that day and several things were taken away for the weekend, simply based on his attitude. Did I tell you that six years old sucks? 

How many of you mama's out there are dealing with this? Have dealt with it in the past? What are you doing to get through it? On that Saturday where he said he would have more fun without me, I made sure to not be available that day. Whether I was inside the house or out. I spent most of the day alone and I took the time get my nails done. I never do that, but I felt like I needed a little Mama time, and a little pampering, and it was the best 20 minutes I have had in a while. When things get bad, I leave the room and gather my composer. I try not to fly off the handle, which still happens, but I try to breathe through it all and not let him get to me. And let me tell you, it's so much easier said than done! And I constantly have to remind myself that I can't possibly be alone. Please remind me that I'm not alone!

XO,
Andrea

Give Me Five Minutes.....

I feel like I utter these four words a thousand times a day. What is it about children and the need to be needed the minute you start doing something. My child, god love him, is one of those kids. He can be playing independently, and the phone rings which I answer, and then he's pulling at my shirt tail asking questions and wanting to show me something. Just last night, we finished up dinner, I called my mom, attempted to put laundry away, and he's playing hide and go seek behind my closet door and snickering while repeating "Mama" over and over and over. I leave the room, and he's following me down the stairs. I look at him, get down on his level and say "McKinley, give me five minutes." He doesn't.

Then, to make matters worse, I'm on the phone last night listening in on a team conference call. I realize I don't "work" in a conventional work environment. In fact, I work from home, so I'm not exactly invisible like my husband when he leaves for work every morning. So when I'm sitting at my desk, in my "office", it looks like I'm just hanging out in another room at home. Joel had taken McKinley on a tractor ride around the block, they then went outside to put our tags on the car, and when they come inside, Joel says "Don't bother Mama, she's on a call." Joel no sooner leaves the room and McKinley starts bouncing around my desk, sliding on the carpet like he's sliding into home plate, and flying an airplane around the room and making the sounds to go with it. With this being the handful of times I've asked to "give me five minutes", I completely lose my cool. I slam my hand down on the desk, repeat that I'm on the phone (under my breath in fear I'm not actually on mute), and then leave the room, stomping up the stairs like a 14 year old teenager. Was it effective? I think so. He was silent for the rest of the call.

So why is it, at times, we have to raise our voice or lose our cool, to get our point across to our children? Why is it that they have to be your shadow the minute you start to do something that doesn't involve them? I honestly don't have the answers to those questions, but I can try to figure out ways to get my child to give me those precious five minutes. And why do we need those five minutes? Do all moms need them or is it just me? 

When we decide to become a "stay at home mom", are we expected to never find ourselves faced with a bad day at the end of the day? Because we signed up for this job, it comes with the territory, and we need to embrace the good and the bad? Am I bad mama because I don't embrace the good and the bad day in and day out? When I see my parents physically sigh when I scold McKinley, or roll their eyes when I snap at him too quickly, I immediately feel guilty that I shouldn't be parenting this way. How would they have done things differently? Was their parenting style so much better than mine? What would you as a parent do differently? (Again, no judgment, just banter.)

Have I mentioned that McKinley, like myself, is an only child? I try not to be his only entertainment, and I encourage independent play daily, but at the same time it's hard to entertain yourself all day everyday. I know this first hand. I was raised by a mom who didn't play. She was hands on, but didn't physically get down and play daily. She too encouraged independent play, and I did, but at McKinley's age I was also in full-time daycare. Unlike me, he doesn't have that extra child(ren) to keep him distracted. So when the phone rings and I answer, there isn't that playmate to distract him. To him, my being on the phone is time taken away from him, which I guess can be an only child mentality. That we have to be the focus at all times. Maybe it's just a child's way of testing their boundaries? Are we really going to discipline while on the phone or after the call has ended? Am I going to enforce that "give me five minutes" long after my work is complete? Believe me, I do! However, it doesn't seem to sink in, even after the disciplinary actions are over. Maybe only time will tell.

In the case of last night, I finished my call, sternly explained to McKinley exactly why I was so upset, and then told him that I love him to the moon and back. We hugged and kissed it out, but dada took him to bed so that I could continue my five minutes. I painted my nails, drank some wine, watched The Men Tell All, and blogged about my feelings. And tomorrow, I'm sure I will ask for those five minutes at least five more times, and that's okay. Because I do need those five minutes and so does he!

XO,

Andrea

"Changes in Latitude, Changes in Attitude..."

I think I mentioned yesterday that our worst days are our non-busy days and yesterday was definitely a non-busy day. It kicked off with a crazy storm that rolled through yesterday morning which led to swimming lessons being cancelled. After getting everything pulled together, running out the door, and then turning around mid journey, I had a hunch things weren't going to go very well. 

McKinley was whiny most of the morning after, complaining that he really wanted to go swimming, and one thing I truly can't stand is whining! I tried explaining that even though the storm had seemed to pass, and that rain was out of the forecast, there had to be a good reason as to why they decided to cancel swimming. I turned his attention to playing for a bit before working in his Kindergarten activity book, something he actually likes to do. After a very successful activity session, I rewarded him with videos while I took a shower. McKinley is obsessed with three things on You Tube; The Axel Show, TwentyTrucks, and this Spiderman video that sings all the nursery rhymes while Spiderman apparently saves the city. I have to admit, it's one of the MOST annoying videos I've ever watched, but I do love listening to him sing the nursery rhymes around the house days later.  

Post shower, it was later than I expected, and we still hadn't had lunch. I suggested that we maybe grab chicken nuggets and head to Meme's before his dance class. McKinley calmly stated that he hadn't really thought of that for today, but instead wanted to have McDonald's on Friday as it was a special day. When I asked why this was a special day, he stated it was the last day of swimming lessons. A fair request. So, as I finished getting dressed, I suggested that since it was so late, how about lunch at home, then dance class, and then heading to Meme's after that. In his most dramatic fashion, he fell backwards on his bed and ignored me. After getting all the laundry together, I made the same suggestion again. This time it was met with yet another dramatic gesture, a grumble, and a very stern response that stated had I listened to him the first time, I would have heard his idea.

Now, there was no idea uttered the first time, or I would have entertained it. And I mentioned that to him, in a very stern mom voice. I could feel the anger making it's way up my spine, creeping into my neck, and coming out of my mouth. And when that happens, I raise my voice. So as I'm looking at this five year old, who just rudely told me I wasn't listening to something that never came out of his mouth, I made all the decisions from there. Lunch would take place at our house, we would go to dance afterward, and no trip to Meme and Granddaddy's. Well that did it. The waterworks started, crying as though I had ripped his arm off, and then he says "You are so mean." That's right! I'm mean! And because I'm mean, I took the Kindle out of his hands, and took away videos for the rest of the day. Call me mean and I will make it happen!

But then I start to feel guilty. I feel guilty for raising my voice. For taking his reward away after such a great time working in his activity book. And for taking time away from my parents, who he much rather live with....as he's told me time and time again! And sometimes I find myself giving in hours later because I feel guilty. But, lately, I've found that I'm really sticking to my guns so that he knows I mean business. I can't be liked all the time, right? I'm the mom. If he's liking me all the time, I'm not doing my job, right? Am I right?

I don't read parenting magazines or books. My parenting philosophy is that no one had parenting books 20 years ago. Or 30 years ago. And my parents certainly didn't read parenting materials. They just parented. And that's what I'm trying to do. I'm probably doing it all wrong, but I'm just doing what I think is right. I do use timeout, but I won't do the counting to three method. You get one warning. After that, it's over and timeout starts. I do raise my voice because I think McKinley needs to know when I'm angry. I don't yell often, or hardly ever, so when I do I know he knows I mean it. At times, when I'm really angry, I walk away to compose myself because I know I've reached my limit. My mom often tells me that her own mom would have whipped her and her sister at least five times already so I don't really feel all that bad about raising my voice. 

I realize what's going on, at times. He's growing up. He's stretching his wings. Testing his boundaries. Testing my patience! And that all comes with getting older. However, he's only five (not eleven like he thinks) and if I don't start tough disciplining now, how can I expect him to obey the rules when he is eleven? I don't want to be the mom who rides him day in and day out, but I also don't want to be the mom who he thinks he can walk all over. There is such a fine line here. And I'm trying to find a way to balance it.

As Scarlett O'Hara would say, "tomorrow is another day." The last day of swimming lessons where apparently chicken nuggets are the best reward. A day of play in the afternoon. And a night away from me as we have a date night and he's having a sleepover with my parents. As for this particular day, all was forgotten by mid afternoon. An apology was provided by McKinley, unprompted. We shared a box of Fruit Loops while he laid in my lap and watched Brother vs Brother, and eventually that guilty feeling subsided. I know it will make it's way back. This won't be our last bad day, but I think with our change in attitude, we will get through it. 

XO,

Andrea