How to Let it Go!

With motherhood comes loads of emotions I never anticipated. Guilt being the number one! But what I've discovered as of late is frustration! I can go days, maybe even weeks without it, but then it washes over me out of the blue! And then I seem to carry it for days on end.

I wish I could be the kind of mama, or woman for that matter, that just lets things go. But I'm not and that's one of my many faults. I've had conversations with other friends who just let things roll right off their backs and they seem to have a life that's so easy breezy. Carefree. Laid back. How awesome would that feeling be? Instead, I carry this weight of disappointment, frustration, and sometimes anger and I don't like it.

I experienced it just this morning! Last night was trash night. My husband collected all the trash from around the house, mainly just bathroom trashcans, and dumped them in the kitchen one. Nothing new there. Now, I was out last night at a PTA meeting so I wasn't home to witness this act, but I know the drill. So you can understand my frustration when I went to throw something away this morning and there was NO trash bag in the trashcan. Why? Why I ask you was there no trash bag in the trashcan? You take a bag out, you put a bag back in, right? And let me tell you, this isn't the first time it's happened! Instead of just replacing the liner with a new bag and moving on, I was completely frustrated at the fact that there wasn't a trash bag in the can! I was angry about it. Fuming the entire time I made breakfast and packed McKinley's lunch. That was a full 20 minutes that I allowed myself to not just move on and find something happier to celebrate.

Just yesterday I lamented to my mom that I feel so under appreciated for my efforts around the house. I have found that Monday's are my straightening/cleaning the living room day. My son has a pretty nice playroom in the basement, but for whatever reason he chooses to bring up toys and play in the living room. It's not much roomier up there. There's more furniture and breakable things that we're constantly pointing out. "What your head on the dining room table." "Please don't kick that over. It will break." Things that you don't utter in the playroom because it's specific to him! Anyway, you should have seen my living room. The same living room I had just straightened not five days ago. It became a working farm. Tractors every where. Pens of animals scattered around the room. A hayride that carried people from one end of the farm to the other. And I love hearing him play. I love listening to him create this working farm and all the sites and sounds that go with it. What I don't love is that it never makes its way back to the playroom at the end of the day, let alone at the end of the weekend. And it didn't stop there. There was a crane, rocks, workmen, and construction signs shoved along side the couch, out of the way of the farm. There was a keyboard in the middle of the room where McKinley played us some tunes on Sunday morning. A keyboard that my husband stated he would take back down later that afternoon. Nope, it was still there come Monday morning and guess who cleaned it all up! That's right, and I fumed the entire time. Again, instead of just letting it go and focusing on how clean the room would be in the end, how much fun McKinley had had playing in the room while we roamed in and out, and the crazy music that came out of the keyboard, I focused on the fact that it was all in there in the first place and that I was the one to pick it all up. AGAIN! 

When reading about what causes frustration and how to deal with it, this statement rang out. "You will need to learn to distinguish between what you hope will happen, what will probably happen, and what actually happened." Well, this makes tons of sense and something I need to repeat to myself often! I hoped that the living room would have been picked up before we all went to bed on Sunday morning, but I knew that wouldn't happen. Had I been home last, I would have seen that I would probably end up putting the trash bag in the trashcan. And I totally know what's going to happen. I'm going to have to clean up the mess and put the trash bag in the trashcan. And instead of fretting about it, mumbling under my breath while I do it, just do it and move on! Day to day life isn't perfect. You have to expect the unexpected and sometimes that's not having a trash bag in the trashcan. Move on!

Am I going to say anything to anyone about it? No. What's the point? I don't know what happened here last night while I wasn't home. Things between McKinley and Joel could have been strained. A temper tantrum could have presented itself and Joel just never got back to the kitchen to replace the bag. Or he took the trash out, finished cleaning up the kitchen from dinner, prepped his lunch for the next day, and simply didn't even think about the trashcan. What I can positively focus on is that the living room is still clean, the playroom is free of toys all of the floor (after cleaning it up for about an hour yesterday as well), and that I can relax this morning while writing this post and sipping on coffee. And taking a deep breath in and letting the frustration go. It didn't go me any good to get so worked up, right? 

What do you do to combat frustration? Do you get frustrated? Are you one of those mama's that can just let things go? If so, share with us how you do it. Any tips or tricks for those of us who just can't seem to grasp the concept? I could really use your help!!

XO,

Andrea

The Cool Mom

I've read several blog posts and articles about "How to Be the Cool Mom" and I feel like that phrase is an oxymoron. Is there really such a thing as a cool mom? Or is it our way of saying we think we're the cool mom? No kid in the history of childhood has ever uttered the phrase, "My mom's the coolest." And if they have, I want their names and phone number so I can call them directly and ask them what exactly made their mom so cool.

What did a cool mom do before social media? My mom took me to school, picked me up from school, and did day to day things that moms did while kids were at school. In the car, she listened to the last songs on the Top 40 radio station, chatted with me about how the school day was, listened for cues that could cause ill feelings, made a list of acceptable and non-acceptable kids for me to hang out with, and at times was "the meanest mom in the world." I don't think I ever uttered "coolest mom in the world." Now, with all the social media outlets, latest apps for our phones, and ways to track our kids, I'm still not thinking any kid out there is thinking their mom is the cool mom.

Social Media, in my opinion, is just another way to embarrass our kids! Let's face it, no child wants to see their mom taking selfies of themselves in front of their friends. So not cool. No kid wants their mom on Facebook and then sending Friends Requests to them and their best friends. And they certainly don't want their moms posting photos to Instagram of them together. It may be okay in the early grades of elementary school, but if they're in sixth and heading into middle school, I'm thinking these items are checked off the not so cool mom checklist! You are now just the embarrassing mom! 

So what makes a cool mom? Well, I'm currently navigating this with my five year old and I still can't figure it out! But since this is my blog, and strictly my opinion, here are my five things to try and achieve Cool Mom status:

1) You don't always have to listen to kids music in the car. Or ever! Expose your child to the classics, whatever era that might be, and don't worry about the lyrics. There is nothing more gratifying than hearing your child sing "Welcome to the Hotel California" from the backseat. Coolest feeling ever!

2) Let them make a mess and don't tell them that they're making a mess! My child loves to run his snowplow trucks and Zamboni's through flour on the counter. He is in heaven and I am freaking out on the inside. His clothes, the floor, his step stool, and toys are now covered in flour that may or may not come out! And that's okay. He's having a blast and you look like the hero when it's too cold to go outside and play in the sandbox.

3) If you're a boy mama like myself, then you know it's all boy all the time! From time to time, you miss playing dress up, dolls, and especially Barbie's. But just because you have a boy, it doesn't mean these things go out the window. We play dress up around here. McKinley has a construction worker outfit he loves to put on and pretend to be a repair man for all different appliances. He even wears it to Home Depot on Kid Workshop Saturdays. He also loves to wear his Kion costume from Halloween. He likes playing with my Barbie's, Care Bears, and Cabbage Patch Kids. He likes to have this toenails painted and it doesn't bother me or my husband. He picks his own color, sometimes red, sometimes pink, and sometimes green. If you make a big deal about it, it's going to be an even bigger deal later. And, just to ensure my cool mom status, a friend of his at school had his nails painted all different colors and was proud to show them off! 

4) I think this one applies no matter what age your child is, but don't always be their friend. They have those at school and at other extra curricular activities. There are those moments where you are best friends, but there are times when you simply have to be the parents. Step in. Take charge. And show them who's boss. Put them in time out. Send them to their room. And stay consistent with your discipline. I know how hard that is. The bottom lip quiver. The crocodile tears. The "I don't like you" response can cut through your heart. But trust me, in the end, they know you're their friend. It's cool to be their parent and friend! 

5) Lastly, embarrass the heck out of them! Have that dance party in the car while they roll their eyes in the backseat. Eventually, they start dancing as well. Take those silly SnapChat pics, but don't always post them. McKinley loves looking back over the photos and laughing at the funny faces we made. Sing out loud in the grocery store if your favorite song comes on. You may get looks from others in the store, and your child may think you're crazy, but you're letting them know that life is too short to not act silly! Sometimes you have to act like a kid too! It's cool!

So what do you think makes you a cool mom? Share your thoughts about what makes you cool. I'm sure we all have our ideas! And, if you have older kids, tell us how to maintain your cool status!

XO,

Andrea